Remembering

After just over a year of being in a relationship I've once again become single. My initial feelings were sadness and anger, just like they always are when a serious thing reaches an end, but those feelings changed faster than I thought possible. Even for me. It didn't take long before the separation felt somehow less of a loss than a gain.

First day alone and I began to remember stuff. This is probably some weird stuff to forget in the first place but you'd be amazed how easy it was.

People want me. It took literally hours before old acquaintances began texting me. Sure, this used to happen when I was still dating as well, but then I'd just ignore them, thinking nothing of it. Or politely decline if they were hot ;). This was the first thing I remembered.

I'm beautiful. And that comes with advantages. This was the second thing I remembered. And probably one of the first things I forgot as well. My now ex-girlfriend wasn't exactly Jessica Alba, but she was nice and I loved her. But being with the same person for too long destroys my self-esteem. I don't think this has so much to do with the person I'm with as much as it has to do with the fact that from the very moment I enter a relationship, all outside feedback about my appearance is cut off. And I'm a narcissist. I need that shit like junkies need heroin. The rush you get when you know you're beautiful and others agree. Unimaginable. It's like I said to a girl whom I just met who asked me "How do you pick up girls?" A question I've gotten many times before. So I told her the truth: "I just introduce myself with a hello and let my looks do the rest". It really is that simple. This leads me to my third thing.

That sensation of the "first moment". That incredibly wonderful feeling you get when you do something with someone for the first time. I enjoy this feeling so much that I’ve blogged about it before. It's like a drug. It's the feeling you get the first time you hit it off with someone new, it's the feeling you get when you hold your arms around someone for the first time, it's the feeling you get right before the kiss, right when you look into each other’s eyes. Breathing rapidly. You can feel her breath on you just before she closes her eyes and lean forward, ever so slightly, just so that your lips meet. That feeling is like the touch of God.

That’s the feeling of freedom. And I remember it.

How much i love sex.

Looking back on my life, and the things I've done to get laid, I've realized that I love sex. Not just the act itself, but everything revolving it as well.

If we take a normal sexual encounter for example. Lets say we're in my room. We're lying on the bed watching a movie. Most often than not, the movie isn't even important. It's just there to give us an excuse to be lying close to each other.NOTE: The girl in this example isn't anyone specific, but rather all the girls I've been with mixed together. With a few exceptions.

And this is what i love: Everything from this moment on.
Foreplay
Now, if we still go with this example, when you're lying like that you got one arm over the head, and the other around her waist. You cuddle up closer so that you can feel her warmth, hear her breathing her hair against your cheek. Just lying like this, maybe holding hands, or stroking her waist and legs with your free hand.
This is when the kissing begins. You move away her hair a little, exposing her neck and face better. Your lips touch her neck, light, quick ones. She bends her head backwards to meet your lips. This is one of the better parts. The kissing.
I usually try to move her over so that she lies directly on top of me, holding her head with my hand, grabbing her hair lightly, and kiss her, with my head a little tilted. Tounge and lip-nibbling is of course involved.

I was once told that my kisses were "greedy and rough". I asked in return if that was a good or a bad thing, in which she ensured me that it was a very good thing.

Moving forward with this example. This is when i usually go for the bra. I almost always go for it before taking her shirt off. I'm my younger days i had to stop holding her head with one of my hands, or even even ask her to help me unbutton it. Nowadays I've mastered the technique to open it with one hand, sometimes with her not even noticing. Still kissing her, fondling her, enjoying having her body pressed against mine, still fully clothed.

Foreplay, for me, is almost as good and important as the sex itself. It builds lust and anticipation. With every girl I've been with, I've almost always remembered the foreplay more than the sex it self. Going straight for putting your dick in her pussy doesn't build up any expectations. It's like skipping to the end of a book.

Okay, This is were it gets a bit more X-rated and more skin gets involved. And how you do this also kind of depends on what kind of girl you're with and the mood. But my favorite is when i sit her up in my lap, and take my shirt of first, Showing her my beautiful body. And then i take her shirt of, with her bra following with it of course. Then you just press against her, kissing her, holding her. Feeling her naked skin against yours. Our tongues meeting. Her crotch pressed against mine.

This is when i push her down on the bed, still kissing her, but this time with me on top. I fondle her breasts, kiss her along her neck, down her belly and down to her pants. I waste no time unbuttoning them.

I love how they always help you taking the pants of by raising their butt. That gesture just makes me so incredible horny.

Anywho, I run my tongue along the edge of her panties, over them, before i get back up, next to her, and kiss her again, while she in turn takes my pants if. She usually do this while i finger her thru her panties.
And this is just the foreplay, I don't want to type so much more about the actual sex act because that's not what this post is about. It's about how much i love Sex. And this is just one of many examples of how it starts of.

But my number one rule is to this: Give her pleaseure and she'll return the favor

Kissing:

Even if kissing isn't something considered sex i think it's closely related and good kissing is key to a proper sex life. Kissing is relatively easy, but being a good kisser is not. I've heard that I'm one of the good ones, but they might just say that to be nice.

Usually when i kiss a girl I get close to her, put one arm around her waist, and the other supporting her neck, pressing her against me. At the exact same time i lean forward, tilt my head to the right and let our lips meet.

That feeling, is always wonderful by the way. Exactly when your lips meet. You can't explain how good a pair of lips feels pressed against your own.

We kiss for a while, and i try to "probe" with my tongue, see if she's willing to let them meet. This is often the case. But I try not to use to much tongue. Just a little more so that our tips meets somewhere in there, twirling about.

First Kiss

Now the first kiss is something entirely different from a normal kiss. I'm not talking about your first kiss ever, but the first kiss with the girl you just met. I've had many first kisses and they've all varied some what. The ones when you're utterly drunk is never that good. But the ones when you're sober, or a maybe a little bit buzzed, are wonderful.

Picture this, you've been talking to this cute girl, sitting next to her, having your arm around her. You are alone.

This is a perfect setting. This is were I'd move my arm around her waist instead. Then look her in the eyes, with a smile. I can clearly see that she's aroused, blushed cheeks, her chests moves faster. (if she's not, don't try to kiss her) I use my other hand to move some of her hair, and leave it on her cheek, stroking her lightly with my thumb while still looking into her eyes. This takes maybe a half a second, before i lean in, close, kind of from the side.

We got our faces so close to each other that we can feel each others breaths. I intentionally do this, instead of going straight for the kiss, to up the tension. I let my lips lightly brush against hers, teasing her, before kissing her for real. And we ended up kissing for several minutes before taking a break. And that look. The first look you get from the girl you just kissed for the first time. It's so beautiful. Her head is usually tilted down somewhat, her eyes wide open, looking into mine, and a smile. That smile.

It's just so wonderful. The whole thing. Those moments you remember and treasure.

Best moment of my life.

How come the best moments in life is almost always the most spontaneous onces? It popped up in my head while i was watching the latest episode of Skins. My greatest moment.

Now don't get me wrong. I've done many great things in my life. Well at least I think they're great but most others would probably think they're silly, childish or just plain stupid. But it's the memories i remember the most.

I'll give you a few examples:

I've climbed an abandoned four story building, positioned nicely on a hill, just to see the skyline of my city better. A most wonderful view by the way. It was in the summer afternoon, and the setting sun from the west just gave everything a perfect glow. The rooftops of the buildings, the crowns of the trees, the shadows they created. It was a perfect skyline.

I've walked across the railings of a bridge. Doesn't sound so impressive, I know, but it was great non the less. The bridge in question positioned over a small river running through my hometown. Pitch black and rather shallow. They say it gets its color from all the nourishment around it. The bridge itself was about 10 meters high in the middle i suppose. That's about 30 feet for you yanks. A small feat but the rush, my God, the rush was enormous.

The list goes on. But my most wonderful moment, the one that I'll always remember the most, is this one.

Picture a beach. It's late, but the sun is still up, about an hour or so before it sets completely. On the beach there's this small wooden dock. On this beach there's two persons. Me and a girl I happened to fancy at the time. We walked along it, just chatting about some random stuff, until we got to the end. Stood there for a time, first looking out on the view, and then at each other before we kissed. Now, this, as you can image, is already a pretty good damn memory. Lake view. We had the skyline of the city, with the sun going down behind it, at one side and the sunglistering water stretching out to the forests on the other. And we stood there, alone, kissing. But here is why it's not just a great memory, but the greatest.

Just after the kiss i picked up my cellphone from my pocket and gave it to her. I remember she got this kind of puzzled look on her face. But before she had time to react or actually have time to think about why i gave her my phone I leaned backwards. I could feel my self tipping over, and when i was about halfway, I stretched out my arms and looked up on the sky.

And the feeling at that moment, just when my feet left the dock and before I hit the water, I felt completely free. Just for a split second.

Then of course, my whole body hit the water at the same time. It was a rather hard impact, because of the dock being like 1.5 meters above sea level, and the water was freezing cold. But it was worth it.

And that's it. And oh, she told me I was "fucking crazy". Roughly translated of course.

New stuff

I got myself some new stuff. A new apartment. A new phone. End of transmission.

I miss myself.

Is that even possible? Missing yourself. I mean, I'm right here.

I guess I mean that I miss the one I once was. It's just that that's silly aswell, if i misss the one i were, why don't i just go back to being that person.

I guess it's just insn't that easy. It's too bad really. too bad...

Why fat chicks should lose weight.

This may seem obvious to most some people but fat people are ugly. And since I don't care about fat guys, I'm not homosexual, I'm only adressing the fat chicks out there.

GIRLS, PUT DOWN THE FUCKING FORK!

It isn't hard to lose weight. All you need to do is stop stuffing your face with food. But some might reply "But Cray, I don't eat more than most other people." Most of them later revealing that they, in fact, don't. But they do however drink several gallons of soda per day. Just because something is liquid doesn't mean it isnt food. Soup is food and so is CocaCola(^tm)

So girls, if you ever want a chance to get laid with a decent guy that doesn't live out of a trailor, or is mentally retarded, lose some weight. It's that easy. Unless you're born ugly. Then all your hope is lost. Sorry.

I am drunk and going to clean my room and then cut my hair. It's has grown too long. I look like a hobo.

Re: resolve

I just realized when going thru my blog that the resolve i had was to quit smoking. Not stop eating junk food.

Well that failed miserably.

Mindmaps

Mindmaps sucks. I've never understood the use of them. What can a mindmap achive that normal listing can't? Excpet from confusing you and others who read them.

I always hated when we had to go thru them at school when you where forced to make them in some assigments. It's like saying "Here, that this list of facts, spread them out and put pretty colors to them so it get harder to read!" It's even worse if you have to cover some larger subject, putting stupid circles and lines, and run out of paper. What are you suppose to do then? Take a new paper and make really long lines? Tape two papers and tape them togheter? I, for one, do not go around carrying tape on me. Hell, I barely remembered to bring a pen to most of my classes. So what i end up doing is making smaller and smaller circles with smaller text. And the mind automatically thinks that smaller things are less important. When reviewing the text a couple of weeks later that's not really ideal. You go over the large circles you wrote first and then try to decipher the smaller ones until you give up and do some drugs and defaults to the learning book.

No, I've always though the best way to learn something is to list it, read it and then read it again. Preferably mixed with the aid of some ritalin.

Broken Resolve

I broke my resolve today. I hadn't eaten any junk food for a good time now. And I could really feel how Ii got healthier and skinnier. But today I met up with some friends and we decided to eat a pizza. I didn't even think about it before it was too late.

Now I have to compensate with counting calories and running like a freak. Bah.